SINCE LEAVING THE CULT
There has been a lot of changes in my life since leaving AA. Now I can't say that all of these changes were caused by leaving AA. I cannot always prove this link or if there is a link.
I now communicate far better with people. When in the cult I imagine been different, somehow excluded for 'normies' (AA lingo for non-members). There is no doubt that my childhood contributed to my lack of communication and loneliness, but I feel AA perpetuated this with the constant message: "we're not normal" "Our brains are different". Deep down I always spoke to people with the thought (automatic thought that becomes habit and perhap unconscious), 'Are the AA or not?' And I believed most did not understand me, only AAs understand me. Of course this is nonsense.
I am also more open and a little more trusting. While in the cult I had this secret (being a member) that made me very careful about talking to people, especially relating to booze. Although now I don't blab about AA I couldn't care less if I told someone, so I need not be careful.
One change that certainly is connected to leaving AA is that I don't have the anxiety I used to have about missing meetings. That's gone! And it is a huge relief! It's like giving up smokes: You wake up after a couple of weeks off of the weed and think, 'I need a smoke... wait no I don't! I don't even feel like smoking!' And you then relax.
I now communicate far better with people. When in the cult I imagine been different, somehow excluded for 'normies' (AA lingo for non-members). There is no doubt that my childhood contributed to my lack of communication and loneliness, but I feel AA perpetuated this with the constant message: "we're not normal" "Our brains are different". Deep down I always spoke to people with the thought (automatic thought that becomes habit and perhap unconscious), 'Are the AA or not?' And I believed most did not understand me, only AAs understand me. Of course this is nonsense.
I am also more open and a little more trusting. While in the cult I had this secret (being a member) that made me very careful about talking to people, especially relating to booze. Although now I don't blab about AA I couldn't care less if I told someone, so I need not be careful.
One change that certainly is connected to leaving AA is that I don't have the anxiety I used to have about missing meetings. That's gone! And it is a huge relief! It's like giving up smokes: You wake up after a couple of weeks off of the weed and think, 'I need a smoke... wait no I don't! I don't even feel like smoking!' And you then relax.
posted by Mairtin at
9:45 AM
1 Comments:
I HAVE CONVERSATIONS NOW. I'M FINDING IT EASIER TO TALK TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOT BEEN IN AA. I DID NOT HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITH AA PEOPLE. I HAD SOME MEMBERS AND OR SPONSORS SHARE AT ME, AND TALK AT ME.OR POINT OUT DEFECTS AND WRONGS. OR LISTEN TO ME SHARING STEP WORK.I LOVE THE PEOPLE I HAVE MET SINCE I LEFT AA, I CAN SPEAK FREELY ABOUT ANYTHING, I FIND IT STRANGE THAT THEY DONT HAVE ANY HARSH JUDGMENTS ON WHAT I SAY OR POINT OUT SOME DEFECT IN ME AFTER I HAVE SPOKEN.
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Unknown, at 4:18 PM
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